Most of the time..

This is my life lately.

Is this something I can force?

I need to not be lazy anymore. I can't be. I need to grow up. 

I'm moving.

Fall is here.

I hate today.

This is my life today.

Why do I plan on procrastinating?

hi hi hi hi

I've come to the realization that I like who I am at night way more than day-kate.

Wait what?

I just have high goals and high hopes of achieving those goals the next day. And then I wake up and don't care at all. At night there is this clarity, this sense of identity. And then I lose it.

I can't wait for another night like that.

This is more important.

I find myself wasting time as usual. I have a 6 page paper to write by Monday and instead of working on that I find it necessary to just read blogs of every person I've ever met. I am just so good at procrastinating. Really, I should get a ribbon from my teachers because they know it too. Last week I had a test in my Economics class, which I didn't study for whatsoever. When I turned my test in my teacher asked me if I knew the test was today. I have never spoke to him in my life. But he knew! I just looked at him and kind of smiled, and then I walked away.

I made a great few cups of coffee this morning. Ok I should probably start on this paper. I need to make a strict schedule for myself in these next few days. Don't distract me please. 

I love you blog.

mayday.

It's May. My first year out of high school has gone by very quickly. I feel like that's a phrase people say a lot. But I mean it really did pass before my eyes. Like I literally just realized that in a month a full year will have passed since graduation. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot about who I am, who I want to be, where I want to go, and just how available things are. It's been a good year. 

As this school year is closing I am feeling apathetic to school. It's eating my soul. I wish I could just enjoy life instead of feeling so anxious and worried about homework and papers I need to write in the next three weeks. Ughh... but there's so much!

Why do people write blogs? Is it really that therapeutic? I just don't think anyone reads this. Honestly having a blog is probably one of the most selfish things you could do. I mean, am I right?

..And yet I will most likely continue to keep it. Dont worry blog, I wont forget you.

plastic pants?

I had high hopes for you blog. I really thought this could have been something special. 

Oh well.  So today was the fourth day in a row waking up at 3:30 am to go to work. It sound horrible but I actually kind of enjoy it.   ..No I lied I hate it. Am I one of those people who just complains all the time? If I am please let me know. So I can complain to you about how hard it is to control. 

I love getting things done. So refreshing. This needs to happen more often. 

Maybe One Day.

Sometimes I wish I was more clever or creative. That's all.

I wear my heart on my sleeve I guess.

It's funny how things change. This post has the potential to sound pathetic, but i promise that is not in my intentions.

All through out my childhood, I've never been the girl that guys wanted. I've never been the one guys look at or have crushes on. And don't get me wrong Im totally fine with that. This isn't self pity. Just an observation. But now that I've graduated. It's just different. I actually have options. Guys are interested in me. It's just weird. Flattering, but weird.

 I don't really know how to act now. Is it okay to just date people when they ask you. To hang out with guys you don't really know that well. At first I thought it was a shady thing, but then since you don't really go to high school with them, how else are you going to get to know them? Thats how you meet people right?

Just something thats been on my mind. 

A few guys have showed interest in me the past week or two. To be honest, I'm just not really feeling it. I think my last boyfriend was such a great guy, I have really high expectations now. Which isnt necessarily bad, but it makes it hard for me to give anyone a chance. 

I think I'm also afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of taking risks, putting my heart out there. My last relationship was two years. and we were really intimate. Not physically, but just really close and really serious. I just can't picture myself being like that with anyone in a long time. I mean I'd love to. But when I think of being like that with anyone I know now, it just doesnt seem possible.

ugh

It's 3:52 am. 

No no no, this is not me getting home from a crazy party or going to bed at this hour. This is me waking up to go to work at 4:30 am. I went to bed at about 10 and probably didn't actually fall asleep until.. I don't know maybe 1230?    ..Baaahh I'm sleepy.

I better make good tips.

But hey I had a dream about a cute boy in my Us History class. I think we ditched class together..thats cute huh blog?

this is my first.

So I'm not sure how long I'll keep this up. But let's just see how it goes. I've never been one to keep a journal or post long Myspace bulletins about my day. I've never really had a way with words like some do. But hey I keep hearing this phrase, maybe you've heard of it, "Practice makes perfect." Anyone?

Today I went for a jog. Now you must understand, I never just go for a jog. NEVER. I just woke up and thought to myself, "Good morning Kate, hey how bout we put on our running shoes and enjoy life by exercising our legs??" So we did. Or I did. It started off pretty exhilarating. And soon went  downhill.  [Not literally, but I wish.] I decided that I love my neighborhood, the houses are so old and cute. I ran for about 3 minutes and walked the other 20 or so. Well I ran the last stretch but I just ended up collapsing on my front lawn. I laid there for about 10 minutes just staring at the sky trying to catch my breath, watching my neighbors drive by staring in confusion. I just waved with an out of breath, slightly disgusted smile.

Another thing, why do people leave their keys under their doormats? I mean, If I was a burglar that would for sure be the first place I'd look. Just saying.

Thats basically my day so far. Now I'm gonna go shower, maybe do some homework that's due in an hour. Maybe.

See I told you this wouldn't be to interesting. Nothing profound or new. Just expressions of my day. See ya suckers.